Getting Back To Real Life

Well, things are going well. I'm getting out a bit more. Haven't spoken with A since I answered her ad. I did send her one email asking a question that apparently crossed "the boundary" as she hasn't gotten back to me.

I had posted an ad on CL a bit ago but yanked it after one of my friends read me the riot act over it. A nice woman actually posted looking for the person that posted the ad. We've emailed but agree that the email thing can set false expectations, so we are hooking up on Sunday for coffee. Should be fun, she has great taste in music, is in grad school/works full-time so it should be nice if we click. Not a lot of pressure. It's looking like there might a couple of other dates over the next few days, so it should be fun! It would be great find a hot femme to spend my birthday with.

Got out tonight and went to a queer event. It was sort of fun to do my own thing and not have to worry about anyone else. Kind of a small turnout, but apparently is still being organized. I feel like I am getting the spring back in my step. I've kind of started to 'go there' but have managed to just push it out of my mind. I think I might be turning the corner past A.

I think I finally realized that she has no feelings for me whatsoever. It doesn't even feel like there is a sense of nostalgia about us. Even the relationship where I was actually married has that and more or less has since we split. I guess in the end, it was a good thing that A dumped me so that I didn't make the error of actually having a ceremony only to have her decide that she needs to sow her oats a few months later. It's funny, though. Things really started to go into the shitter when I told her that I felt we should put off the date for a bit as things were rough. She also lost it when I told her that I wanted to split up the finances. It didn't seem fair that she was making good money and spending it all on my bills. It was like she thought I was preparing to leave and had to strike first or something.

Whatever, I don't need to worry about it anymore. It's done. Fin. Kaput. I hope she's happy. I am not holding out any hope that we will be together again.

The working out is really helping my mental attitude and general energy level. I feel much more focused on things I need to work on for myself. It's much easier at this point. I have continued to write, even written a bit of poetry. Hoping to get my hand-me-down sewing machine fixed soon. The aunt & uncle want to buy me a new one should this one not be able to be fixed. It feels odd and she got a bit defensive when I said that it felt odd. We'll see.

My bankruptcy hearing was today, as well. Looks like I will be carless pretty soon. The trustee is a bastard. Guess it's time to pay the fiddler. FlexCar, here I come!