20 Days

The last 20 days have been full of new things and people. As a part of the New Year, I have tried to open myself up to new people along with new habits. I've been hiking, coffeeing, lunching and more. It's been very good for my soul.

Two of my newer friends are in a similar place as myself. Both looking for deeper connections in their lives, trying to create something new for themselves. It has been nice to build friendships based on something beyond cocktails or politics. I hope that we will be friends for many years to come.

Therapy is providing a huge number of breakthroughs. I have continued to look deeply within myself, to see those things that helped me become lost in the first place. Although it is still difficult to spend time completely alone, it is getting easier. I asked my therapist if it was bad that I am spending so much time moving, instead of sitting with myself. She replied that it seems to be a good step forward that I am at least posing this question. I guess it's true. Typically I would just move forward and not consider those steps forward.

My week didn't start off too well as A and I had a spat. It is unfortunate when we communicate as the pain comes immediately to the surface and then pulling me back down into the abyss of depression. Dramatic, yes - but it's really how it feels. I can see all the things I am doing right now that actually push me back instead of forward. Thank god yesterday a friend came by early to get me moving. Today, not so good.

I belong to the world that I live, I love people and am loved by them. I have a deep sense of confidence and trust. I am secure in life and no longer anxious about anything.