Happy New Year

I've been kind of quiet around here. Had a really severe bout of depression. Trapped in the house because of snow, no real reason to leave. It doesn't snow in Portland all that much, so no real gear to get you out and about except to walk the dog.

Christmas was difficult. Remembering last year in Nashville, this one paled in comparison. There is nothing like a Southern Christmas. There is nothing like that good old Southern Hospitality.

Birthday was great. My buddy got together a bunch of pals to go bowling and then on to karaoke. It was super fun. Old friends and new helped me usher in my 43rd year.

New Year's Eve was nice, too. The best part was the therapy session I had. I figured it might be a good way to start out the new year or close out the old one. I came to a number of realizations during this session. The biggest and most striking was that A isn't really what I am missing so much as the optimism and pure joy she helped me to see on an almost daily basis. In our relationship I saw the world through a different lense. I realized that I have that joy inside of me every day. It's a matter of me not letting my normal cynicism overtake the small things that are good. To move beyond being a little rain cloud for everyone around me but mostly to allow myself to appreciate those things.

I have sort of approached this previously in regard to my road trip to see Lucinda just after Labor Day, hiking in the woods,etc. It's up to me to make time for this stuff. To look at ways I can get out and enjoy everything around me. I used to love to sit on the beach and just absorb all the beauty of the ocean or hike in the woods and enjoy it's beauty. To be amazed at all the wonders. I've lost that part of myself. Due to work and various responsibilities. It's dumb. I mean why do you work? To put a roof over your head, food in your stomach and to also have the ability to occupy your non-work hours with things you love.

Here's my affirmation for the week:
My life is abundant with joy. Joy is within me and around me, all the time. The more I allow myself to feel joy, the more joy comes into my life.