What I Give, I Get

I'm slowly realizing/accepting that I reap what I sow. That the cynic in me brings more cynicism into my life but also that more openness and warmth brings more openness and warmth into my life.

When I have bouts of depression I find that I just want to hunker down either in my apartment or in a crowd. Whether I am by myself at home being closed to the world or in a large group just observing the activity, it seems to feel best at a given moment but only leads to being more cutoff from the world at large. At these moments, it's about the last thing I need to do for myself but it is also the easiest thing to do.

I have been working very hard at opening myself up to new people and new experiences. To show the inner part of myself that isn't cynical but is more warm, caring and kind. This has been a good experience, so far. I've met some new folks, been invited to a dinner party and actually have a couple of dates this week.

The biggest part of my work is to not let the cynic in me take over the inner child that I spoke about previously this week. To continue to reinforce the belief that I am the source of my own joy - no one can give that to me or create that joy for me. I think that the right person might be able to enhance my joy..but again, that's not possible if I don't feel my own joy or make my own job.

I know that I am one with the Universe. I open my mind and my heart to all the gifts it offers. I know that as long as I remain open to those gifts that I shall receive them. As I receive these gifts of joy and love, I shall give them to all I meet.