Help Me To Find My Way

So, after looking at my blog, I am finding that I have gotten back to the external issues rather than the internal issues regarding spirituality. I think mostly it's due to the depression/anxiety and looking backward not forward. I've forgotten (again) all of the things that are going to help me through this and to end my life as a lost soul. I really want to find myself and my life.

I picked up the Eckhart and Louise Hay again today for a bit of perusal. I also went for a short walk with a neighbor and ended up having a conversation lasting over 2 hours. It was so interesting as I was able to open her eyes to some nifty stuff that I have found useful...The Four Agreements, You Can Heal Your Life, Notes From The Universe, etc. She is in much the same spot as me. No job, messed up personal life, sad, lonely, etc.

How is it that I am able to inspire someone else, but not myself? I'm able to speak to the value of the items above, but can't seem to blend it into my own life? I just don't get it.

On another note, apparently another fine ex, R, spoke with me today about my attitude. Apparently she and other friends have been expressing concern to B. Yesterday, he was trying to express his concern, but raised his voice and generally had the opposite effect. It was somewhat pathetic as I spent the rest of the night feeling like a pile of poo and plotting out my demise. R is looking to see if there are any options for a mental health provider as I don't have insurance to get the help I obviously need. I kind of feel worse than I did previously.

so let's try to start over....I need to re-affirm the Four Agreements. I think I am going to start with the 4th, "Always Do Your Best". I know and understand that my best is going to change from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day. Avoid self-judgement, by always doing my best. Remembering that my best may vary depending on a number of factors.

This is a great book: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book. It opened my eyes to a whole new thought process. It is a great place to start!


And just for good measure, here's a power affirmation for you:

I only give out that which I wish receive in return. My love and acceptance of others is mirrored to me in every moment. Louise Hay. Get her Power Thought Cards at Amazon