Moving

I have been having some movement in my mind and emotional state. I've been doing more reading (again) to try and get my mind in a place of peace. I've actually been sleeping a bit better over the last couple of days...not feeling like I need to sleep all day. Been seeing friends a bit more, doing short hikes, etc.

The finality of things is settling in my heart. I can still feel both my heart and stomach sink a bit, even as I type these words. Because it is still so very heartbreaking, but am facing the reality of never having her in my life, ever. It's OK. I'll live. I'll always probably have a little spot in my heart reserved for her. Maybe it's not even really for her, but for the feelings that she inspired inside me for the time we were together.

Leaving for Boise today. I don't know why, but part of me feels like this is going to be a cathartic experience. The long drive. Music. Playing it by ear. Who knows. Funny, but I've never even been that far out on 84. It will be difficult to say goodbye to a woman who was so inspirational, so warm, so caring. Although it's hard to believe that she is gone, her memory will live on and her life will be an example to others.

Today's affirmation:
Every thought and every act is governed and guided by a superior intelligence. There is something in me that knows what to do. It impels me to act upon what It knows. This very acceptance flows forth into action through me. Always there is an inner, quiet, persistent confidence, a non-resistant but complete acceptance, an inward flowing with the stream of life knowing that it carries me safely and surely to my destination and to the accomplishment of good purpose. This is divine guidance and I surrender to it.